Home Health Night Before Christmas

T’was the night before Christmas when all through my car

My admit was strewn on the way to the bar

So clear and concise my voice mail recording

‘You want me to WHAT??? You’ve got to be kidding!’

My patients had meds, their pain was relieved

Compliance so great, I couldn’t believe

No forms to complete for infections or falls

The director of nursing unable to call

When out from the parking lot arose such a blast

I had to go see what was happening fast

A walker, a cane, an electronic wheelchair

Complete with my patients were all waiting there

One and two handed devices they used

O2 compressors and shared verbal cues

Diabetics, arthritics, COPDers alike

All came to invite me out into the night

The driver, a masked man, or maybe a woman

Had rales in his chest and coughed up a lung

It seemed to this tired and cranky cold nurse

That he was in failure or possibly worse

Bring Lasix, bring Lortab, Bring HCTZ

Lexapro, nitro and Claritin D

Such a vast taxing effort put forth by my patients

I was anxiously waiting in lurid suspense

I waited for pain and shortness of breath

Even a code leading right up to death

I waited for weight gain and med side effects

I knew something bad was on its way next

But calm took the place of quivering fear

As I saw all the patients holding me dear

Sipping Ensure and wishing good cheer

To me and to mine for the rest of the year.

No football or cabbage or stewed black eyed peas

For me or for mine come this  New Year’s Eve

Patients to be discharged come January One

With written instructions to call 911