Time to Say Goodbye
Hey, God. It’s me. Lisa. I wanted to call to say Thanks again for seeing me. I really enjoyed our little one on one meeting a few weeks ago. I can’t believe you let me cut in line. Most people have to wait for almost 90 years to meet you but I only had to wait about half that time. I am so sorry about getting so mad at you when I found out I was dying. I didn’t know it would be like this. Michael was so happy to see me. He looks better than he did when he was worried about me being sick and all.
I’m really relieved that you are taking care of my Mom’s cancer. Please let her get some rest in the middle of all the cancer drama. And there’s one more little bitty thing I forgot to ask…. When she has her reconstruction surgery, could you make her just a little bigger and perkier than Aunt Sue. Sue won’t mind and it will put a little spring back in Mom’s step.
Before I died, I thought it would be horrible not to see Tristan grow up. Wow. Things change once you get a taste of eternity. I admit it took me a while to get it but in what seems like a blink of an eye on earth, we’ll all be together again. I hope Jessica realizes how short her time with Tristan really is before he goes to school, plays football, leaves her in the dust for the prom queen, gets married and has his own children. I wish Jessica could see herself in all her beauty the way you showed her to me.
I know you said I could have beautiful full thick hair with curls and ribbons but I thought I would wait. I think Maria misses doing my hair. I think if its okay with you, I will stay like this until she can make me beautiful one more time. Again, that eternity thing – it’s really only a matter of minutes comparatively speaking.
I don’t have many regrets but there is one. I wanted to thank all the people who sent prayers and money and made me feel safe in my last weeks on earth. I don’t know if it was the drugs or what, but every time I started to write or make a video or something I fell asleep. It doesn’t feel right to depend on the kindness of strangers when you live in Bradenton, FL but from Heaven, I look between the clouds and see how everyone depends on the kindness of strangers. I think if I could send one message, it would be to tell everyone to be kind.
One night, Sammy will lie awake while the world sleeps and if she looks really hard she will see me dancing in the sky. I know she will dance in the sand and laugh with her friends; fall in love and become a woman in command of her world. But every once in a while, when it’s dark and the world is asleep, I hope she finds me dancing in the sky.
I am all tears.
I really wanted a different ending, Sahily. But, I a. Also glad you ended up calling me while I was in the thick of things. I can’t even remember what your question was but I will never forget your kindness while I was struggling. Thanks.
Beautiful song. Like you I had a beloved dear friend of 35 yrs who made her transition a few years ago, it was ovarian cancer then mets to pancreas. I really felt the journey with you and Lisa. Sometimes all you can say is WHY? Much love and gratitude to you for sharing this story.
That song is lovely. There are twins, Dani and Lizzy. One of them wrote that after losing a friend. How wonderful that a teenager could write a piece of music that touches everyone of any age.
Maybe the only thing worse than attending to a loved one near death is not being there. It is a satisfying feeling to know you did what you could even when it wasn’t enough.